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I was gifted with a 'float' (FloatCalm.com - great place, awesome staff) for my 45 birthday. I have avoided the idea of going for a float even though I have heard how much it can open the mind, due to my fear of claustrophobia. But when I was pushed to go by receiving this gift, I realized that this could be a great way of moving past my comfort zone, as a way truly of celebrating my birthday. Go big or go home, right? So today, as the beginning of a weekend of pushing myself past my comfort zone, I went. I was a little worried about how I would feel, being 'one' with the water and supposedly not being able to feel where my body ends and the water begins. Would I want that alteration of consciousness? I have alterations in consciousness all the time by channelling SAM, but I knew this would be a different experience. I was game for trying. What I found instead of 'being one with the water' was an awesome surprise of learning to 'be one with myself as the fat chick'. I was expecting to lose my feeling of my heavy body, and then be upset when I came out of the tank to feel all the weight of my excess fat back on. I had this sensation when I was pregnant and doing water aerobics, my baby belly being buoyed by the water and at the end of this hour, walked out of the water and feeling the weight of my belly return. It was a depressing feeling, no matter how much gravity had to do with it. That feeling and memory has stuck with me for 17 years. However, my float experience didn't disconnect me from my body enough to feel the weight change. What happened instead is I heard my heart beat so clearly (thank you, ear plugs) and my breath, and I became one with my body, every fat inch of it. I realized as I floated, how stupid it was to be caught up in fearing 'the heavy feeling' even if it was what was to occur when I came out of the deprivation tank. My body was a miracle, just in its very nature, regardless of its size. This was the body I have chosen to create, is it not? Every pound of flesh that has been gained has been gained by my choices. It was my choice to do this 'social experiment' of gaining my weight, really delving into the depths of my addictions to sugar/food and seeing where it took me. I CHOSE my body. So why am I not wanting to feel myself in it? Not sure what happened in that deprivation tank of 90 minutes but I came out loving myself. And a step closer to loving my fat self too. Not only did I as the fat chick float just like everyone else (the miracles of tonnes of epsom salts, don't ya love chemistry) but I became grateful for being alive by this experience, rather than focusing on my physical weight. Social experiment or not, today reminded me that focusing on my body as something that is approved or unapproved of by society, is a grand distraction. I need to remind myself of my epiphany of health. After a few years of my experience with the weight gain, exploring the different ways I was treated by both men and women, I felt I had learned all that I had needed to learn. "Okay, time to get the fat suit off, I've learned that it's about health and not what weight you are anyway, okay, let's get the weight off now." One of the lessons may very well be health, and of course I knew there were lessons in self-love, but today I realized that I have not truly reached the goal of self love for my body. I may love my body, but I don't love my 'fat body'. If I had, I wouldn't be regretting the potential 'heaviness' feeling I would feel after floating for 1 1/2 hours, would I? I have been tolerating my body, in my efforts to 'get the lesson'. But I have not loved my fat body, just in its very nature for allowing me to be alive playing this game of life, and in acknowledgement of what I have chosen to weigh in this current time frame. So I suppose this starts now. New territory for me. I had joined Weight Watchers a few months ago and had lost 10 pounds and all of a sudden found myself at a standstill. I realize now, after feeling that 'oneness with my fat chick' that it's because the focus is still about losing weight. The focus has not been about loving myself, or getting healthier, but losing weight because of the societal belief that I am not enough the way I am. It's okay to have gained this weight to learn your lesson that you don't feel as healthy, but to stay this way? Well that surely can't be the lesson!! Can it??? Weight Watchers' motto is even 'beyond the scale', but they are not quite there. The focus is still walking into that room and getting weighed, so no matter how much they focus on other things (and they are WAY better than a decade ago about having a more balanced approach), the subliminal message still is that you are only succeeding if that scale needle is going to go down as you continue to show up there week to week. So is it really beyond the scale? I hit my plateau of weight loss because I went in to Weight Watchers as an attempt at gaining health, good food recipes, but lost my focus. After I started losing weight and getting rewarded and commended for losing 1 or 2 pounds per week, I let my consciousness shift to become about the weight loss again. Not the health, not the quality of life, but about making sure I would come back next week with another 'goal' reached (whatever that was). The WW Leaders were doing speeches about how our goals need to be more than just about the weight loss per week, but about how we feel, the baby steps of exercise, but I wasn't buying it. And why not? Because everyone sitting in those chairs (95% women) were needing to hear that speech because they were upset that they had only lost .8 lbs that week even though they had 'done everything right'. Too much of the focus was still to pep the women up about looking past the weight loss itself (which is great that they are teaching this now), but the collective itself, were still beaconing off "I am not worthy because I didn't lose my 1-2 pounds this week." Somewhere, this unconscious collective thought process got back in under my skin, even though i didn't think it was. And as as result? I've rebelled, not wanting to sit among the women in that collective, feeling bad about themselves because they had hoped for a 2 pound loss, but the scale said otherwise. I don't want this to be about the weight I lose, or the magic number that is 'my goal'. No matter what is being said by the leaders, the actual weighing and recording it and getting stickers for every 5 pound loss belies all else that is being said. I let myself get soaked back into the lie. (damn it) How did I kid myself into thinking that this was going to help me achieve my self-love in an extremely overweight body as well as health? I used the wrong resource in attempts to learn the lesson. And as a result, couldn't go farther than a few pounds before my body/mind rebelled. During the float, I wasn't thinking about any of this. I was enjoying the feeling of being a mermaid, as I felt my hair flow in the water back and forth like seaweed, as I moved my body ever so slightly to see if I could feel the difference between my skin temperature and the water temperature. My float was not about attempting to achieve an out-of -body experience. Ironically, my float gave me the in-of-body experience that I have been avoiding since I was fat. SAM says I 'grounded into my body' today. For the first time since being 60-100 pounds overweight. So it seems my explorations with being fat are NOT over. If this is the first time I've really grounded into my body since gaining all of this weight, then I have really not loved 'the fat chick'. Toleration is a far cry from loving oneself. So okay then, it appears that exploring the world from the perspective of this heavy-weight body is yet to be done. I guess I will be experiencing the plane ride to California this month wishing my hips were smaller because the width of the seat is too small. I suppose walking around all day at Disney in an overweight body is going to be more cumbersome than if I had lost the 20 pounds i had hoped to lose by the time my trip rolled around. Seems my Essence has a different plan. My inability to love myself as fat, means I will be 'fat' for longer. I will have to prepare for Disney family pictures with my double chin. I have clearly NOT gotten the lesson. I was only willing to love myself if I would lose the weight, with the lesson having been 'health'. I really didn't get it. Here's to learning the true lesson, the depth about self-love, even when others see you as unlovable and unacceptable due to your size. What a grand journey to have to find a true love for yourself anyway, in spite of the brainwashing in society. I thought I was there months ago, in understanding, but my float today showed me clearly I am not. I am yet still a work-in-progress on this theme. I will definitely be getting my bigger, cellulite booty back in that float tank though. If this step towards appreciation for my fat body could come out of 90 minutes, what could come out of a bi-monthly float? This gal is about to find out. Happy floating peeps, I highly recommend it. And happy loving yourselves too. I hope that any and all that are reading this are truly happy with their bodies and can truly say they love themselves in their bodies, regardless of their flaws. I look forward to that divine experience of self-acceptance myself. Not. There. Yet. to be continued....

"Love is given because you feel it, not because you owe it. F*ck Valentine's Day." - Maureen & Guides In my efforts to find something inspiring or even good for a laugh to post on my Facebook page this Friday the 13th, the day before the effervescent holiday that is Valentine's Day, I was disappointed to realize that mostly what was out there was a bunch of dribble. How disappointing. Why couldn't I find something cute and quick to just help people enjoy their day? I watched clips of babies laughing, read some potentially staged romantic proposals and 'love stories' on youtube...but nothing scratched the itch. In fact, not even close. And that got me to thinking....I know this blog is meant to be a vehicle for the Guides and I to interact with you. It's meant for them to get their perspective out there (as in the Racism Blog). They can even use it to teach (as they attempted to do with the first blog where they talked about intuition and promised a second blog on 'how' to find your intuition.) But there's something you gotta know about my guides - they change their mind a lot. They go with the flow. They 'read' what people want and then alter accordingly. Most of you who are reading this blog don't really care what the subject matter is...you don't care if we write another blog on intuition or if we again intend to use daily events (or a Maclean's article) as a vehicle to open your mind to a different perspective. You're just curious to see the Guides' perspective in general, and mine as the channel. Fair enough. So we have decided to write what we want, and when we feel like it. (Cue a contented sigh and dramatic musical interlude of angels trumpeting as the skies part.) So screw the 'Part 2 - How To Discover Intuition' blog. It's not coming. All of that stuff will be in the courses, IF of course I ever let those little babies out of my grasp enough to do some beginning testing with a 'tester group'. I keep thinking of ways I could improve the courses and thus don't publish them to be purchased. (I know, call me a perfectionist - I'm working on it. No one ever said I wasn't human just because I channel - I'm just a normal chick who channels, right?). So today? This blog is for me. Moi. My opinion...fuelled by my guides' humour and perspective of course, but they're giving me more rope than usual. I can feel it. They've taught me enough about a more radical lens with which to look at life over the 8 1/2 years I've been with them, that they now feel I am ready to express it in my way, warts and all. So let's start with my definition of Valentine's Day... Valentine's Day: a holiday that encourages people to feel sad and lonely if they aren't in the perfect relationships as depicted by society; a holiday that encourages others to feel special and happy if they ARE in those said relationships. I googled where St. Valentine's Day originated and it wasn't overly exciting or valid, so to imagine that we continue this tradition every year is kinda silly. Want sillier? Why is it, that we live in a society where 364 days a year we don't value relationship - whether it be romantic or otherwise? One day a year we're supposed to pull out all the stops (and drain our pocketbooks) to tell everyone we love how great they are. Um....who the heck as a society decided that this was suffice, this once-a-year expression of love? Why is it, that we are still falling for these poorly-created holidays? And for that matter - why is it only for one day that we should be grateful for the love in our life and celebrate it? Why is this not at least a month theme, no different than 'Black History' month which has been assigned to February in Canada? Don't get it. The way our society deals with holidays is a bit out of date. Love is important to celebrate more than once a year, isn't it? So I have a proposal. F*ck Valentine's Day. (And if you're lucky, get a f*ck in on Valentine's Day, even if it's with yourself. Come on, you're worth it!) Instead of one day a year, I propose that we get rid of Valentine's Day altogether. Not because we shouldn't celebrate people who are important to us, but because the idea that this is such an event that it should have a holiday, rather than be a way of living, is just plain ridiculous. So instead of going out with your loved ones or beloved on Valentine's Day, or feeling bad if you're not doing something 'special' for Valentine's Day, try this instead: 1. Do NOT contact anyone on Valentine's Day and tell them that you love them because it's 'the day to do it'. Instead, be original and contact them TODAY. Be a rebel. Show them that you think for yourself and don't follow a blind trend of 'tell the one you love' because some power-that-be has decided that Feb.14 looks like a good day for that. Or don't contact your loved ones at all around this holiday time. That would make you a rebel too. 2. Don't feel sorry for yourself. It's a bit of a set-up - if you do 'celebrate' Valentine's Day and are expecting what they offer up as 'normal' in Movieland, you know you're going to be upset when your lover doesn't treat you to a dozen roses, breakfast in bed (of course after a night of the best lovemaking you've ever experienced), and those diamond earrings you've been eyeing. Don't do it - you're falling into the Valentine's Day trap. And yes, you could use this holiday as a reminder to love, and even to love yourself more this coming year...blah blah blah. Why aren't you loving yourself every day, just because you are deserving of that self-love every moment? Yeah I know...seems ridiculously apparent when you think about it, huh? So you're not allowed to wallow if you don't have the 'best Valentine's day' ever - whether by the unrealistic expectations you place upon your loved ones, or the expectations you place upon yourself to get in a little more self-loathing that day because you are 'alone'. (Are we ever alone? Guess that concept is potentially for another blog.) 3. Make the decision that instead of a calendar and society deciding that on Feb. 14 you should celebrate love, that you are going to celebrate love every day. And not just to be a rebel, but because it makes sense. How else do you expect to have a happy, content life, if you don't love yourself or others? So make it a priority today, to decide that you put love first. Not on Valentine's Day, but every day, and for no other reason than because it makes sense to live out your life from a full cup, rather than a cracked cup that only gets filled once a year if the 'right' person (from your perspective) buys you the 'right' token of appreciation and expresses himself/herself in the 'right' way. Too much pressure. Instead, take love into your own hands, tap into your own (and for that matter you could tap into the free love that is Source itself), and ride the wave without relying on anyone else. Cynical perspective? Radical perspective? Foolish perspective? I can see all of you Cupids getting p*ssed off with me because I've just wrecked your fun. You were planning all of these exciting events/gifts to honour your loved ones and now you feel like I've just rained on your parade. No I haven't. I've just suggested that you consider being that type of person who honors your loved ones 365 days a year, because you want to, not one day a year because when you flip your calendar to February, you see that on Feb. 14 you're supposed to buy chocolates and flowers and cards for those important to you. Just sayin'. But in the end, since this beautiful life of ours is in fact a game of experiences and learning, you can do what you want. And what am I going to do? Enjoy my loved ones every day. Oh, and I'm going to wait for February 15 and then go and buy 50% off chocolate and flower bouquets. If society is foolish enough to fall for marketing of buying marked up goods to fuel the economy, I can be savvy enough to take advantage of the aftersale, can't I? And so can you. So think for yourself, rather than follow the flock, and love people because you wanna, not because you have to. Over and out, Maureen & Guides Oh, and p.s. - give your religious/spiritual dogma lens a really good overhaul if you think this blog can't be fuelled by spiritual guides - after all, since when do Guides approve of sarcasm, swearing, and satire? Ummm...all the time. Cause you know what? Source has a fabulous sense of humor. Pass it on!! Did this inspire you, make you chuckle, or challenge you thinking? Want to influence someone else's day? Forward this to a friend so that they too can follow this blog. It's as simple as joining our free membership to join the Source Within community (interaction with the Guides, forum, free monthly podcast, and Maureen & Guides' blog!). Click here for your free membership! copyright Source Within 2015. All Rights Reserved. Addendum written on Feb 14, 2018 My my, how 3 years will change one's perspective, as will a good dose of love. Though I still stand by the fact that people who are single should not allow Valentine's Day to be a mirror to them that makes them feel bad about themselves because they don't have a person sending them flowers or chocolates, my perspective has softened. And why? Well, I guess because I have softened. I have finally met a partner who is living out what I was saying, showing me 365 days a year that he loves me, by his actions and his words. This will be our second Valentine's Day together and I am reassured of his love, not because it's Valentine's Day and I may get an acknowledgement of it in some way, but because he shows me daily that he appreciates who I am. So my above blog, though fired with a bit of anger/cynicism, and clearly written when I was single, still stands. In no way should we be so manipulated by societal expectations such as Hallmark-type holidays like Valentine's Day, that it becomes a negative day if you aren't in a relationship. Then make it about self-love and remind yourself that some day, you can be in that place again where this day won't feel like rubbing salt in a wound but instead will be a day of expression of love with your current partner. And in the meantime have it represent loving yourself and others in a platonic way. I was single for 8 years after my divorce which I think is a long time, and spent way too many Valentine's Days feeling 'left out' of this holiday until I made it about treating myself that day, going out with a friend (assuming they were single too) or doing some other special activity 'just for me' so that I wasn't left out of this Valentine's Day Club. And now, being in a relationship, I realize that I/we can ride the wave of the potential romanticism of this day, if we want to partake. Hopefully without the expectation that by doing so today, the other 364 days are less important to express my respect and appreciation for my partner, or his for me. This is just like any other day, and perhaps could be viewed as a tool to create some loving excitement between you two that seems slightly different because everyone else is riding the same wave at the same time. Heighten your love making, go out and celebrate with other people celebrating either the love of their couplehood or their own self-love, all the while knowing nothing will change in your behavior towards yourself or your loved one tomorrow. Love and the expression of love, should be a 365 day a year job, nothing less. Happy Valentine's Day everyone...and if you're in the mode of 'fuck Valentine's Day'... I get ya...then you're sick of the pressure of this day. That's okay, then make it a self-love holiday because you deserve it! copyright Source Within 2018. All rights reserved.